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Yesterday was a bad day for me. No, a dreadful day for me. I didn't expect that something will happen like that. I didn't want to narrate it publicly and I want to say that i am not perfect, every people makes mistakes that they didn't intend to do due to many factors and we can't control that factor. Damn! I hate this life. Many people expect me to be the kindest person around, but God! It's hard to be that kind of person. Even way back elementary, some of my classmates thinks that I am "uto-uto". Well, that's my mistake, I didn't know how to be strong. Well I will proudly say that

I AM BAD!!!

. Hello? I made mistakes too, im a weak person. The thing that I don't understand is that when I make mistakes, ang balik ng karma sa akin ay sobrang bigat, that it seems that I've killed a dozen persons. Damn! Am I the only person in the world who made mistakes? I am not perfect, and "being" perfect is too far from my personality. I get angry, irritated, jealous and envy too, because I am not the most beautiful, the smartest the liveliest the most joyful, the most articulate, the cutest and all the most in this world, I think I am the dumbest and most stupid person in this world because of my mind's complexity and no matter how hard I try to explain myself to the person I didn't intentionally want to hurt, they just didn't understand it, because I am nothing. Yes, I get angry and irritated, jealous and envy about other people, but I didn't let that feelings ruin my day or other people's day.

I cried last night, I really wanted to cry because being perfect is the last thing that I will do. I made mistakes, I care for that person, I want that person to have a good life and it hurts me when that person will says that I am "plastic" just because that person have read which was misinterpreted. Other people may judge other people by what they see but I don't judge that person for being like that. And I am sorry if that person misinterpreted everything. I am just trying to help even though that person didn't know, and if that person tends to reads this post. I just want to say sorry, we've been friends, but if you don't want to understand me then that's your choice, all I want is for your own good. But I think, I am already hurt, I know that we are both hurt, I know that I hurt you "unintentionally", believe me it's not what I meant, but knowing that just because of that incident someone will get angry and waste away the friendship, man that is for me the hardest and I am really hurt.

This incident made me feel I am the wasted, the meanest and the most uncaring friend in the world. God! And I can still feel it now, I think everything in me changes, and I am afraid that people will also change. Sorry, I am so sorry. For the friends I've hurt and will be hurt, but I wish that they will understand me, but it seems that they didn't because i didn't know....
Maybe the saying is true: "We cannot have the same amout of love we give because a "perfectly mutual and reciprocal love" can only be found in God". You may give your love for the people you cared for but don't expect that they will give the same amount of love that you want for you to have.