I can Change

These past few days, all i can feel are insecurities and jealousy...to whom? I don't know, maybe people around me you are far better and way more resourceful than me. Vain. Selfish. Conceited. That's what I hate sometimes about myself, but I'm trying not to. Why is it that everytime I want to show and reveal my inner feelings, people just don't tend to know it? And I hate it! I want them to know what my real feelings are for them, but they are so unfair! Actually, it's not only me whose being selfish and conceited, people around do that thing to. I just don't understand life at this moment, so I stay at my room and sleep alot!
It seems that everything I've done means nothing to them. I know I am not great! I don't have the capabilities to be the greatest person or excel in everything I do, but I know that I am working hard to earn what I have possessed.

I know that you are all mixed up now, confused and thinking what I want to say directly? Again, I don't want to say it publicly, I want to keep it to myself, I'm still not saying it to my family nor to my friends because I think they will not be able to understand the complexity that has in my mind right now. It seems that my mind is running and thinking endlessly that I just want to take a rest.

I can change....well maybe I "can't". At my new year's resolution a few weeks ago, I stated that I will be more mature and stop acting so childish and seems to be out of control but it seems that I cannot comprehend in that requirement.

One thing I hate more is that my uselessness, I asked my self sometimes what's my purpose of being in this world? To sleep? to eat? to commute from Cavite to Manila? To taste life's bitterness and cruelty? to study everyday? TO BE HURT?!!! I am not angry, I am just letting go of my feelings that I have kept for a long time. Truly no ones life is perfect!

I will change...as long as people can change, the world can change too!

UP!!!!

First and foremost, I want to shout and congratulate Kath for passing UP!!!!!!!! Yehey!!!! Clap your hands, bow and hail her!!!!! Ang galing ni Kath!!!!! I heard her scream at the corridor and that's the time I've realized that the entrance exam result at UP has been released and Kath was one of them!!!! ang galing talaga. Now, UP!!!! is my ultimate goal, I have to pass it! And i am starting to get nervous, i will pray ALOT!!!! as in ALOT!!!! naku, kinakabahan na talaga ako promise!
My dad wants me to pass UP, my mom also but me? I am desperate! hehe...not really desperate, I just want to go to a nice university when I turn to college because I want to get job easier as much as possible. I felt really happy for Kath, because all the hard worked have been paid off! If I were you Kath, I will celebrate!!!! Yipee!!!1 I am still really happy for her...!

Now, it's my turn. This year, I will be fourth! and I promise that I will do my best in my review for college!!!!! ULTIMATE GOAL: UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES!

Pure as White

I have a new skin...again! It seems that I will not have any satisfaction on my blog skins, but anyways, I like my new skin better than the other because it is white...so clean, simple, neat and yet still elegant, that's what I like abou the color white. Honestly, I am not a fan of black color, actually black is not a color, it is the absence of light, so I don't consider black as a color. Anyways, tomorrow will be our 3rd periodic exam...at last! after too many delays, periodic exam finally resumes....! and after that is our Intramurals! Last year, I think we didn't have that intramurals....I just don't remember.

So, what's happening in my life today? I almost caught a fever, my tonsils aches and my cough is somewhat getting worse, and I hate it! Why on Earth, that this stupid cold gets when an important event will happen, like periodic and the intramurals, can I get sick when normal shool days? But, to tell you, getting sick when studying in Masci is hard and stressful because 1 day of absence you will miss the hardest and worst lecture in the planet and it's very hard to cope up. So, I have no choice but to take care of my health, but I still don't know how to take care of my health will I'm studying at Masci because Masci gives me diseases, makes me prone to heart disease because of stress. Don't they ever think about that? They are a Science high school! hehe...Too much complaining I think, I should go back and dig in my books again and study! Aja!

School year 2006-2007 will end so soon, and I am very excited at vacation...!

A Little Dash of Faith and Hope

Have you ever experienced that you're losing hope and the last minute in your life, God will make a way to help you and cope up with it? I do experienced it...and it's today! Me and Kath thought that we weren't be able to make it at the "ensayo" pero God is still good and I really love Him! He always makes a way for us to praise Him, even at the last second that we're losing hope that we can make it, though we are bit late but still the important thing is that we "try" and by trying we succeed. I am happy and glad that we were able to make it. Like what the quote said "The true failure is when you stop trying". It's all about having enough faith and hope to Him for us to receive the true blessings of God. If there's anything that I will not sacrifice, it is being a "mang-aawit". In that position, I felt that God is alive and He loves the people who follow Him, in that state, I felt that I am so lucky and blessed because I have a God, whom I can trust and pray into. I now realized that He allow us to experience that excitement and fear because He tested our faith to Him. I know for myself that even though sometimes, I am so sick of my life because of the overdose hardship that i've experienced, I never lose faith, even out of 100% only 1% still remains in my heart and that will add a 99% when I pray to Him!

I just want Him to know that I am thankful for all of these, I didn't count these as a curse or unluckiness, rather a blessing that rare people encountered in their lives, my feelings are not described really well, but I really want to thank Him! He is good, He is powerful!

If there's only one power I wish I could possess, that is the ability to stop time and I know I can achieve. haha...

Kath, I hope that you have a wonderful experience!

Thank you very much GOd! I love You!

If

My day yesterday was a bit depressing, I just don't know, why do I get so emotional all of a sudden, maybe...just maybe....uhm...should I say it publicly? Oh..never mind...just maybe that's the reason why. So I get emotional and I get really topakin..I hate this feeling. While we're helding our English class and reciting the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling, I was touched and I was a bit emotional, muntik na akong umiyak, well I'm starting to like poetry, much better than I thought, in poetry you can express even your deepest thought, who cares if you are the only person who can understand it? It's yours, it is your life. When I am reading poetry, I feel so related into it, I feel that the author understands my feelings, that he/she have "felt" the same way I felt life as it is. But they are geniuses because they have the ability to express those thoughts and feelings into an artistic and creative way, unlike me, I don't like showing my feelings that much. When people ask "Are you ok?"...I replied "Oo naman, ang saya ko nga eh". But deep inside, problems are accumulating and I want to hide it because I don't want to affect other people of my dramatic life.hahaha..

If
by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

While I am reading Reader's Digest yesterday at school, I've read an article about stress, that stress can induce heart attack and that people should relax and not be too hard on their selves. I know, you know what I mean. People don't live just to kill themselves without knowing it! Student like me! I think I am killing myself without any notice! Because i am so stressed. Example, right at this moment, it is 1:00 am and I am still up, because my beloved school just can't stop burdening us with loads and loadsssssss...of assignments and test! But still I am thankful that I survive each day with strength and faith!

Anyways, I don't want to kill myself so I will just jump into my bed right now, closed my History book and sleep...because later on...I will wake up AGAIN! at 5:00! Goodluck to me during class hours! Hope that Mr. Sandman will not make me feel sleepy! Gudmorning! Kung di na kaya ako matulog? Joke Lang! ano ako, baliw?

I need Some Sleep

I need some sleep, that's what I want, my eyebags are getting bigger and bigger. It seems that i don't get much too sleep because I'm thinking of so many stuffs. Hehe...Tomorrow, we will have a test in Chemistry, and I'm a bit unprepared because the past lessons are not that easy. Chemistry is my favorite subject, maybe because Mam Coco is great, she loves chem and she shares that passion with her students, which in return motivated to study her subject. Chemistry is a serious subject that if not given further attention you will not be able to pass this subject, but with the help of Ms. Coco, chemisty became easier and understandable. From balancing an equation to predicting a certain element, it's hard but students can withstand it.
I said to myself that Chemistry is my second choice aside from Biology, because I love chemistry and Biology, but my first choice was Biology originally.I wish Biotechnology will be much easier at our school...haha... So why do I lack sleep?
It's because....of the usual overloading of assignments, projects to be passed, test, long test, reports, research proposal (again!), physics project which is very out of this world and tonight, I am studying Chemistry.

Another factor for lacking of sleep was, literally I have no rest, school hours ended to 6 pm and I have to rush to get on time on our pagsamba, it is so hard and tiring but I have to do my duty to fulfill my new year's resolution and my promise to Him. I always look haggard and tense when Wednesday and Thursday comes, looks like i'm always in a hurry, but lately I get used to it and treat it as a normal day.

So this song if for me and all of the people who lack sleep...hahaha.
I Need Some Sleep
The Eels
I need some sleep
It can't go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss
Everyone says I'm getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I'm in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning 'round
Everyone says I'm getting' down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

Goodnight humans. ZzZzZzZzZzZz...

Yoon Eun Hye is cute but Lee da Hae is Gorgeous

Haha...Another nonsense update. Lower years have no classes today because senior students have the college test ata? So I woke up a little bit early around 8 am and do my homeworkssssssss.....ssss...Then I surf the net and when the yahoo homepage opens up, it's top news is the "Princess Hours". Koreanovela invaded the whole world! "Princess Hours" or "Goong" is widely acclaimed all over the world. Check out the article. It seems that Korean has a big outcome interms of dramas and their cute stories. As for now, I am a certified koreanovela addict! I tend to watch a certain drama series even it is month before it airs in t.v.! haha...I love the actresses in Korea the way they act, their expression and their intonations when they are speaking, which I least adopted..haha! Two of my favorite korean actresses are Lee da Hae and Yoon Eun Hye.

Lee da Hae is from the drama series "My Girl", which was the best drama i've ever seen before. I know...some may argue that Full House is so much better, but I really like the best "My Girl". It's just because of the hottie and cutie Lee Dong wOok, whom captured my eyes and has been a model for my ideal guy.

While, Yoon Eun Hye is from "Princess Hours" or "Goong". She is so perky and cute. I like her dresses and her hair. She has a 2 cute partners but Ji Jin hoon is hotter than the other one.

The similarities between them is that, Lee da hae and Yoon Eun Hye, can be a very versatile actresses, they can turn their emotions from being so funny and hilarious to drama moments which can really touch hearts. But who is more beautiful? I think, they're both, but YOon is cuter and Lee is the most gorgeous, but still they are beautiful and so lucky because the leading guys that they are able to work with when they have drama series, I envy them alot! haha... I envy also their skin because it's so clean, maybe because in Korea, the weather is cold and less pollution unlike hear in the philippines. haha...and the way they are dress-the colors are loud and alive, they wear bright and vibrant colors which are attractive to the eyes.

Is it obvious that I want to be a Korean? haha...adopting their style and their language? hehe...I am a certified Korean addict..Here are some pictures of them:

She is so beautiful!



Yoon cute!



Korea~~~~~!

The Doctor Song...Hahaha!

How to Save a Life
The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life.

My Most Favorite Film... And All aBout my Dreams....Again

While i was watching T.V. today, I've had a glimpse on HBO and I saw the movie that I wasn't able to finish last tuesday, before school day, it's about these 2 doctors, whom, despite the difference between them ,they've manage to save lives and make the a great change in the course of medicine. They've come up a treatment for the cure of "blue babies" and this film inspired me to be a doctor. Finally! I have now a profession.I want to be a doctor! Well, they did manage to get a cure about blue baby, but Dr. vivien Thomas was a nigger or black man so there are still discrimination about black people at their time and Dr. Blalock is a white man, so when they successfuly done the operation only Dr. Blalock was praised and been honored, and pity Dr. Thomas, but he still managed to stand up. Those two doctors are my idols and my inspiration, despite their differences, they manage to be the greatest partners in the field of medicine and they save lives. I remember a line that doctor Blalock said at the film "You only realize that there is life when there is regrets, I do have regrets, but let's not count our regret but instead on the lives that we save." I was so touched by what he said, he is a "true" doctor, dedicated and the two of them must be truly honored!
The title of the film is "Something the Lord Made". The best story ever...Try to watch it!

Lately, i've been talking so much about my dreams, and I want to be a doctor...desperately, even it takes me years and tears to achieve that, I will be a doctor! That fixed and final! so I hope that this burning determination will be with me until I reached college and live up my dreams!
I am scared, not in failing but in not having the opportunity to do what I want to do.There are a long list of the things I want to do and here are some to them:

1. Be the best doctor! Asa! hehehe...
2. Be a good pianist and perform everywhere...ehem!
3. To be able to join the orchestra!
4. To go to France, London, Venice, Spain and Italy!
5. To have a dainty house near the lake.

Those are 1/4 of my long dreams, but before I achieve those, I know I have to study hard...no not hard- harder, uhmm...still not enough, I must study the hardest way I could possibly could. I must pass Physics! Oh mY! Physics! The most hatred subject...I despise every equation I counter everyday of my life, I just want that subject to disappear, If onyl I have the power and magic! I will make Physics vanished into this world! But I must...I must...I really must try my best, tell my brain to study and I really must excel in Physics! So God help me! Oh....!

It's really hard to study, so hard, when there's peer pressure, personal problems bothering you, but studying is a must. I have soaring high dreams that without any effort I will not be succesful to achieve them!

There's only one thing I can say, I will trust to Him! because He is the One who will help me in bumpy and smooth sailing in my life. I will pray to Him, and i Will be faithful.

My ambition and my Ability to Hide

Sleepless nights, again has been through me and I'm a bit exhausted. School days has just begun and I am dead tired. It seems that Masci has no new year resolution because they have the same routine that they try to impose to us: overload assignments, overload projects, portfolios, mind-cracking test and too much pressure-which usual. What I am lonely about is that I will not be able again to go to church every thursday, because I am studying FAR away from home, oh..If only I could make a 30 minute commuting from Manila to Cavite, I will do everything. Well I guess, there's nothing more to change.

My mind is somewhat settled and fixed, I WILL BE A DOCTOR! haha...So ambitious, but there nothing wrong about dreaming. My dad says that I should already decide what course will I be taking up for college and by now I should already have something in my mind. Being a doctor is somewhat I want since I am in prep, when my teacher asked me when I was little what I want to be: I said I want to be a doctor. Why? I know that it is because it is somewhat the "in" ambition when I was little, all my classmates and friends says that they want to be a doctor, some wants to be a nurse or engineer but doctor is the most dominant of their ambitions. So I just said I want to be a doctor. Many years have passed, I've encountered many people with different occupations and hobbies, and of course my ambition change, I said to myself I want to be a cashier! haha...sound funny, but seriously at my tender age, I really want to be a cashier, because I so like the machine that they use. haha...Then, my mind became somewhat matured and I want to be a Marine Biologist! Yes, I once said to myself, this is what I am gonna take up when I will be in college, I love swimming and I love the view under the sea because when I under, it feels a different world, a quiet and peaceful world, but that changed! Then, tada! I want to be a doctor, I guess this is for me, to be a doctor....I once watched a movie about doctors who try to cure a blue baby and I was so nervous when they performed the operation to the baby, my heart is palpating, nervous and excited. I guess that's what doctors feel when they were trying to save a persons life. I want to feel that, I want to feel that feeling that I was able to connect another life to a person.

So I am becoming a so trying hard in studying well my subjects and finishing the requirements that I should pass. Exhausted! That's what I'm feeling today, so exhausted, maybe due to personal problems and I want to just forget about it. What I am proud about myself is that, I am good in hiding..hiding my feelings to people I don't want to be hurt. I can smile when I feel so really bad, I can laugh even when I feel that the world hates me, I can cheer people up, when I wasn't able to cheer my own self, I give advices to people who have problems when I wasn't able to do what will be right and what will be wrong. It's good at some part and it's bad as a whole, it good because my relationship will other people won't be affected and it is bad because i feel really helpless. Everytime I am so down, I just want to be alone, cry under my pillows and cry...ALOT! By means of crying I can release all my tensions, exhaustion, my anger and my problems. So I hate it when people don't cry as if they're saying that you are strong when you didn't cry. I

Last Wednesday, I really cried at our "pagsamba". I really felt Him. And I just want to send my thanks and greatfulness because God is so good, yes, there are times of ups and downs but He never leave me, even i didn't deserve His blessings because I am so a sinful person ,but He loves me and I love Him to!

So now, I am just a person trying and will be trying to be strong, with a mix of Faith! Courage! Confidence and LOVE!

A Happy New Year to Everybody!

Hello, everyone! Happy happy happy happy New Year! As in Happy! may God's blessing will always be with you all throughout this another new and exciting new year. Have a clap for ourselves because we have surpassed all problems, tragedies and difficulties last year! Whew! Can you believe it? We've survived! Not just because we're strong and intelligent...It is because God made us survived 2006! Imagine? so many unwanted tragedies happened, FPJ died, natural phenomena that affects many people's lives, Mileño- the super typhoon, Cha-Cha and etc... Let's reminisce life this new year and realize how fortunate are we. So pray for this new year and receive the blessings from the Lord.

Personally, this new year my mind was so much clearer. I now typing this article at my dad's office because we spent new year here, to accompany my dad so we will be complete this new year. At first, it didn't get so well due to personal problem..haha...so much into drama...I slept and a bit, no not a bit, a lot, in fact, I wasn't able to greet the world formally that it's new year because i've slept...a lot, hehe... I have consequence, because I must slept until 2 am! but i didn't unfortunately. Wahaha! New year, won't be a new year without of course: new year's resolution...it's a tradition...it maybe a broken tradition, because sometimes I wasn't able to follow all my resolution, but this year I will try:
1. To follow all my new year's resolution.
2. To be able to do my duty to God with compliance and no excuses.
3. Not be stubborn anymore to my mom.
4. Focus on my studies and concentrate in it, which is really hard to do.
5. Decrease my sleeping habit.
6. Read a lot of (newspaper, magazine).
7. Be aware of what's happening around me.
8. I have to grow up, because sometimes, I am so childish and i hate it!
9. Enhance my piano skills! I am in the "performance level" and I have to work hard.
10.Smile....alot!
11.Wash my face everynight...hehe...due to stress and lack of sleep, sometimes i'd rather not to wash it because im so lazy.
12.wear contact lenses...hopefully!
13.Dream alot!
14.Love my family alot!
15. Value people around me.
16.Being stronger and tougher when difficult times arises.
17. I've almost forgot, updating my blog in English! Need to enhance my english vocabulary. Sorry for some wrong grammars...


What things i didn't want to change this year!
1. Being an Iglesia ni Cristo! (Why would i change my religion?!)
2. Buying magazines, every month...hehe
3. Bullying my brother (that's my hobby, I will be lonely if I don't
4. Being curly (I've decided, not until college will I straighten my hair, or maybe not, because I don't want my hair to be expose and taste those chemicals which dried and made my hair suffer alot!I'm happily kulot!
5. Staying up late. (Hindi maiiwasan!)
6. Uncleaned room. I can't control myself.
7. Being a movie buff. Who doesn't like watching movies?

Actually, I am nervous this new year!< img scr="http://cbox.ws/smilies/2/nervous.gif"> because I know that problems will not leave me and it maybe worse than my problems last year, but I will be stronger, at least I will try... I didn't know what will happen this year, maybe...I will now have a love life! nyahaha... or maybe, I will do better in Physics! *Cross fingers*.
No matter what happpen, I will be still happy and thankful to God! Happy New Year again! It's year of the pig! yipee! Bye!