Depressed....

These past few days I don't know what's happening to the world, I really do feel that the whole world hate me you know that? and I hate that awful feeling, first of all we lost a friend, I really don't know why on earth does she has to do that. It's just a simple matter because my one friend was jealous because Karren is not anymore joining us instead the others. I really do not know who is right and who is wrong, I really hate my Friday, I wish I could smile and laugh just my usual day would be, but I can't Mary Joy says that there is something different on me that day, she ask me why am I lonely and not giggling that time. I don't know everytime we were together I just stared at one spot and not knowing that I am thinking on deeper thoughts.
I really hate going to school when education friendship and everything was mixed up. You know, when you didn't have the guts to do what the right thing to do. I already talked to Karren and Aimee and ask them what was going on? It's just that they are so hard to be get along with anymore. Then Mrs. Jarabese found out what was happening to our group, we are really lucky to have an adviser like that. She is so good in giving advices to us. I really wish that everything will be alright. I really feel that we are going an friendship crisis. It is really hard to let go of someone, but I learned that if you really love that someone you will be happy on whatever things she's up to.
One thing more, I really wish that Ka helen will not be anymore angry with us. Because I still felt that she is still angry with us.
I really don't know, now, I heard many persons who are undergoing trials,I don't if that trials was the cause of our sins or just another test that God has put onto us. But I believe that God will not have trials to us if we will not be able to carry it. Sometimes I want to lose hope, that this life is so hopeless, I can't have the guts to be like Joan of arcadia, because I know that I don't have the knowledge and the guts to be like her. But hello? Does everybody required to be like her? I really dont' know if my personality is so unique that I am always making things worse. Thinking of the worse things that I am not be able to enjoy or doing the worse things so I can get into more trouble, I really hate that state of mind. I want to achieve more in this world and they say that you must study hard and strive really hard to earn money and live a life in this world. But a question popped out into my mind... What is the use of those things that made your face sweat when you won't be able to bring does things on HEAVEN or HELL *if ever* right? I really don't know what is the purpose of all these things. That's why I tend not to study hard because everytime that I am trying to do my best on one thing and I won't be able to get a high remarks with it, I really tend to lose hope about everything, and I tend to get irrritated, That's what I hate about myself.
I want to be a good person, so I can go to heaven.... but it is really hard......

Yesterday was a fascinating day for me, not only just because it is new year's eve because I was able to feel the presence of God, entering a paradise and most of all tasting delicious food. I really felt good yesterday at the church because I ask God's permission to guide throughout all this years. I know that I am not deserving to treat well by God despite all the sins that I have made but He is there and I know that He will guide me. I have faith in him. I wish That ka h will not be anymore angry with the juniors. Goodluck to her. Then after church we went to my mother's boss. Wow!!!! Breathtaking house. That's the first time I've entered a house with a tennis court and a swimming pool. I love the house everypart of it. It is just so beautiful and gorgeous. I wish that I could have a house like that someday And i promise myself that I will study really really hard to earn enough money. I really love it. And I really love eating! I love all the foods that I've eaten yesterday. And guess what I almost ate all! "Almost" only.

Then right after new Year. I wish....Yes I wish....... I wish that God that will guide me throughout the year......And the rest will stay with me.

Here are my New Year's resolution:
1. Be more active in church.
2. Study hard.
3. Don't eat junkfoods.
4. Minimize drinking of liquors containing carbonated waters.
5. Be a nice girl to mom.
6. (if able) Help with the household chores.
7. Will not care what I other people think (I hope!!!!)
8. Will always wash my face.
9. Will always wear slippers inside the house.
10. Will stand straight with correct POSTURE!!!!
11. Will not be anymore procrastinated.... (a big no! no!)
12. Will tragically put myself into GEOMETRY.
13. Will not tease my teachers....... umm....I am really bad this 2005.
14. Must have an inspiration......
15. ENHANCE MY PIANO TALENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
16. Be more responsible.
ALl in all I will make things better this 2006 and I will do my damn best in everything. I know that there will be hinders and I will not let them Block my path. I know that there will be bumpy rides for me but I will hold on.
Even though I slip I will still stand with the help of God!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to make a difference in myself and other people......I want to influence people with my good deeds. Not I whom other people influences...... I want to gain more knowledge...... And I hope this feeling of determination and eagerness remains to me FOR THE RESt of my life...........!!!!! HAPPY AND GUDLUCK NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!