Thank God for Giving me Time

Quote:Nothing is so dear and precious as time.- French Proverb
I Thank God for giving me enough time,
Time to reflect on all the things I have done in my life,
You know it's great that God shows His love in a different way,
Talking to your mother, going to the mall,
He is everything.
He shows His love for us in every possible way that "people we expect" to do it.

Though my life is a journey and I am not still halfway on my journey, though I sometimes don't want to go on anymore because of the bumps and the bruises I receive all the way, though sometimes there's no light to guide me through the way, that choosing the right path is sometimes a hard decision to make because you have no choice. But there's always a choice, it's only in the matter of thinking. God is always there. Even when the road is dark and dreary He is there. I don't know, I just know he is there. He wants us to learn and go back through time and reminesce His love for us. There are so many wonders from God that we have to realize, the wind, the birds, the chiming of the wind bells, the tv, the clothes, the shoes, the piano, the music.... all the things that we are capable of using today it's all God's creation. No wonder man exploited it. *Sighs*. It's really hard and tiring to be good, but's worth it because you are with Him. You find peace and a sense of tranquility within you when you feel Him, it's like you're floating. Lately, I have been dreaming stuffs about my life, schools, family and friends. I don't know maybe dreams are fortellers of the future. I don't know, I just sometimes see that they happen in a coincendental way I dreamt of them. It's wierd. *Sighs*.

Do I want to be a cook? A doctor? An interior designer? A fashion model? A Physics nobelist? So many dreams yet sometimes I feel that it is only through dreaming that I can achieve those dreams. God is powerful, full of wisdom and He knows what better for us. He loves us. He loves His children. He loves me, He loves you. Don't worry. He is always there.

Learning the Art of Letting Go will Make me Strong

Currently Chatting with BFF
Well, speaking of my bestfriend. Arnie is the best! Last night, I just want someone whom I can talk to, someone who will be willing to hear all my nuisances and my feelings, then whom else I can think of, my bestfriend. I phoned her, at first I thought that she was busy and I was quite embarassed because i will disturb her, but she still lends her time to me. I say all the things that bugs me off. She says things that really comforted me, I really want to cry yesterday due to emotional breakdowns... have you ever felt that so alone? oohhh..... I hate that feeling. Good thing, Arnie is there.

What I learned today, is that letting go is the best thing you can do to be peaceful and happy. Even though it hurts, you have to let go for the sake the person involved and for the sake of yourself. I learned that being hurt is part of this life. While you are in that phase, you are getting stronger, more faihtful and you're building your life through it. hay...buhay nga naman. Sometimes you have to have to learn, accept, let go and continue to live your life.

So what if I'm alone? I'm not really alone, I still have friends, I have my bestfriend, I have my family and most especially I have God.

Alone

Feeling uneasy and frustrated about things that happened around me... Ang sama talaga ng ganitong feeling. Gusto kong magtagalog para masabi ang lahat ng mga gusto ko ng hindi nagtatrying hard na mag-English. As you know, may mga bagay sa mundong ito na sadyang hindi natin maintindihan. May mga pagkakataong gusto na nating magpakamatay, umiyak at sumigaw ng napakalakas para maipakita natin ang ating kainisan, galit o anuman na nakapagpapabagabag sa ating kalooban. In life, people seems to be unfair, kahit naman ako minsan unfair din, pero ngayon ang pakiramdam ko mag-isa ako, hindi ako makatagpo ng isang kaibigan na talagang nandyan sa para sa akin, sa dinami daming pagkakataon, maraming tao na akong nakasalamuha pero yung taong magbibigay ng same amount of attention na binibigay ko, parang wala talaga akong makita, totoo hindi nawawala ang bestfriend ko at alam kong "Friendship knows no distance". Pero I'm looking for a friend, hindi bagong bestfriend, just a friend that I know I always can count on too. Nasaktan na ako, umasa, umiyak, thinking na bat sila ganon? They are so unfair, hindi din ba nila maisip ang nararamdaman ko hindi naman ganon ang ipinapakita kong feelings towards sa kanila, I try to show them that I smile even though sobrang lungkot ko. Talang fed up na ako, I am really feeling alone, lahat sila may bestfriend, lahat sila may napagkukwentuhan ng mga bagay na comfortable sa kanila, lahat sila may katext, lahat sila nagtatawanan, while there is me- me who longs for a friend, me who longs for my bestfriend, kung pwede ko lang ipaconvert ang bestfriend ko gagawin ko, kaya nalulungkot din ako. Kasi kahit sa salvation I will be alone. Masakit umasa, masakit ipagsiksikan ang sarili mo sa mga taong ayaw naman o kung hindi ayaw ay hindi nakikisama sa gusto mo. Mahirap na nakikibagay lang sila sayo...yun lang. I wish to find them or her. Masyado lang talagang fed up ang feelings ko ngayon.

Idagdag pa ang personal problems ko, being stupid, lazy, thinking things that are all stupidity. Ewan ko kung maliligtas ako, naging masama akong tao, may mga bagay na kelangan kong dapat matutunan pero pinagwawalang bahala ko, siguro narin sa mga iba't ibang problems. Ang hirap magpakatao. Most of the times kahit kasama ko ang mga friends ko I feel so alone, na parang hindi ko kayang malabas ang mga feelings na dapat ilabas ko, natatakot akong makasakit ng feelings ng iba, natatakot ako dahil baka hindi nila maintindihan. I'm just so afraid. Bakit ganon? Kahit walang pasok ay stressed out ang emotions ko. Please stop, I need some rest. Kelangan kong magpahinga, napapagod na akong masaktan, umasa, makibagay, magbigay ng magbigay pwede bang ako naman ang alagaan, intindihin, pakiusapan, pagbigyan. Pwede ba kahit isang pagkakataon, hindi ako yung makikinig, pwede bang kayo naman yung makinig? Ako naman yung maglalabas ng mga bagay na gusto kong ishare. May nangyayari rin naman sa buhay ko, may mga bagay na nagpapaiyak rin sa akin. Bakit sa tuwing kailangan ko ng tulong ay walang taong nagtatanong..."May problema ka ba?"..."Ok ka lang?"....Kahit yung mga ganong tanong lang ok na sa akin, makagagaaan na ng loob ko....pero ang masakit doon, wala, minsan ay sila pa itong magagalit sa akin dahil napaka-moody ko....bakit kayo hindi ba ganito? Minsan nga kahit ako na walang ginagawa ay pinagbubuntungan niyo ng inis eh. Kahit..."Ok ka lang ba?"...ok na sa akin.... kahit yun lang.....may pakiramdam din naman ako...Sawa na akong magparaya, sawa na akong magbigay, sawa na akong mag-isa, sawa na akong malungkot at sawa ng akong magbigay...Pwede ba? Pakiusap lang naman Po? Pwede po ba....kahit isang beses sa buhay ko bago ako mamatay o matapos ang mundo, may ISANG taong magbibigay importansya sa akin, magpaparaya, iiyak, masasaktan, magtatanong ng "ok ka lang ba?", "May sakit ka ba?", "Musta naman araw mo?" sa akin...Kahit sa huling pagkakataon po....kahit sandali lang po madama ko yun....Masaya na po ako....

Gusto kong umiyak na parang bata, umiyak ng malakas, magwala pero kailangan kong pigilan ang sarili ko dahil ayoko kayong masaktan...

Why Do I want to go to Heaven???

Currently Thinking: I'm tired!
Gosh! whata question. Let me take the question back to you? Why do You want to go to heaven? There are lots of things that I want to ask God, question in my memory that still haunts? nah! questions that still doesn't have any answer. Have been in a situation where you are asking too many questions to yourself and you seem unable to answer it because you didnt know the answer? no one knows the answer? It's ridiculous, actually talking to myself alone, asking myself the same old questions that I cannot answer. It's really making me crazy...haha. But anyways, other reason that I want to go to heaven is to stop all this stress that I feel, HEAVEN IS A STRESS-FREE place so, I think that's cool. But I have to SUFFER, CRY, HURT, BE IN PAIN, FEEL ANGER, BE VAIN, BE CONCEITED, BE SELFISH...in short I have to feel all the human things and be able to surpass it walking through God's words and let me tell ya people! it's hard! With all the things that surrounds me-crimes, immoralities, unjustifiable acts, it's really frustrating, gives me a headache. *Sighs* *Sighs* *Sighs*. It's really tiring.

Things I must achieve/do/believe before I die/have an accident/catch a disease/be old/the end of the world:
1. Become a Doctor.
2. Be a pianist. (kahit makatugtog lang sa pipitsuging resto...ok na!)
3. Join the orchestra....eto yung part ng believe lang talaga. (it needs miracle)
4. Perfect the Physics test. (ah! eto malabo ata, or talagang impossible!)
5. Go to Paris, London and Venice!
6. Have a boyfriend! (pero career muna! hehe!)
7. Fly!
8. Wear a corset.
9. Be on a stage play.
10.See an Aurora Borealis.
11.Fly with Superman.
12.Read people's minds...wahahaha!
13.Be a physicist....ehem! Gawd! mangarap ka kim!
14.Walk on a runway! (san ko nakuha idea no to?)
15.Be a ballroom dancer. (hay....sarap mangarap)
16.Have a beautiful house...pwede pang mangyari
17.Have my own library...(I love books)
18.Be loved...by someone special

I apologize for being too over dramatic and having too self-indulgence, I just can't control everything that's in my mind, besides it's not bad to dream right?
So why do I want to go to heaven? To achieve all those things....nah....It's because i want to thank Him for giving me the ability to think of things that will make me thank Him!

Coping up With Everything

Current Quote:"Life is like a library owned by the author.
In it are a few books which he wrote himself,
but most of them were written for him.--Harry Emerson Fosdick

I haven't post for the longest time, I'm such a busy bee now. Right now, I'm still lack sleep and my body just wanna rest because tomorrow, I have to wake up early and go to school early to prepare early for the Foundation day because MSHS chorale will sing I think about 5 or 6 songs, natatamad akong bilangin eh...hehe... Anyways, life is as usual....busy, haggardous and really tragic. Many things happened to me these past few days, the contest and 2 loses, my trying hard disposition to cope up with my studies, because I really missed alot of lessons and discussions because of practices in the choir. But I am not complaining, because I don't regret that I've entered the choir. *Sighs*. Life is so tiring. Sometimes I feel that I just want to stop for a moment, breathe some fresh air, go to some quiet place, meditate and have time with myself, I just want to unwind. After this week the hell week is about to come, periodic tests.... I have to do good in this test, especially in Physics. I am given a second chance and I won't miss that opportunity. *Sighs* If only....I have superpowers to stop time, undo everything, because I really regret that I didn't study hard and didn't have enough guts to do my best in Masci. At the end of the day, I'm always thinking, what if I have done this.....I should have done that better....I shouldn't done that......Regrets...I am now full of regret. But I have to accept things as they come by because, I am the one who make this. God has a purpose in everything, though I still didn't know it. I feel like, I have to study really hard for the last time as a full pledge Mascian. I am now a Senior, I am on my half life as a senior in Masci and few more sleeps, I will be in college. There are a lot of things I've learned in Masci although Masci is a small place, it's actually a big place. You can learn everything, from socializing with people to sleep in classes...haha!

I just hope that the foundation day tomorrow would be a good one, full of surprises and fun. *Sighs*. I just hope so. Well, i think i have to have a good night rest. Ciao!