Life is a Carousel

They say that Life is a Carousel. Sometimes you're up sometimes you're down. At this point in my life, I am facing the BIGGEST challenges ever and right now, I am at the lowest point.

I didn't pass UP..... so there's a catch.


Regrets are flying all over my head...... If only.... If I could...If I could just have....

There's a time that tears will suddenly run down thru my face without knowing it. There are times that I just want to be happy and forget everything.

UP is the school for me....I think. It's my only chance....My one and only chance.

I pass UST... with a course in Biology.... but.....

There's the but.....

But that's a Catholic University of the Philippines. Though persuing my medical dreams at UST would be a great alternative for UP. It still won't work out. It's against what WE believe.

I am now enrolling at DLSU-D. I don't know. I am not sure. I have already DONE a bad thing now and I still want to do more.

I don't deserve this..... do i?

Yes.... for heaven's sake.... I know I deserve this DOWNFALL.

I envy so many people....

But the most desirable thing that I want....

still...

at the end...

I FAILED to achieve it.

You know why on f*cking earth I do study in Masci?.....

Because i want to study at UP.....

Sorry for the obscene word but my emotions are still at it's highest point and I want the world to know.....

that.....

taking for granted and being HAPPY-GO-LUCKY doesn't do anything good in your life.....

There are times that I feel that I am studying at UP and I am living my dreams at it's fullest......

Damn those moments....

I know that not passing in UP doesn't mean you're gonna end your life and you're career.....

But I who have studied in MASCI.....

This is the end......

Do I regret studying at Masci?.....

Sometimes....yess....

But many times no...............

I have been crying for almost 3 WEEKS.....

I have been down for almost 3 WEEKS.....

I have been with a fight with my parents for almost 3 WEEKS....

My parents have once told me na nagbago daw ako... wala daw akong ginawa kundi maggala, di na daw ako nag-aaral.... kaya eto ang consequence na kailangan kong harapin.... TRUTH REALLY HURTS. I have to face the fact na totoo yung sinasabi nila. That's why I really hate myself now. Hindi naman ako ganito dati, hindi ako sanay sa mga galaan, I study my lessons really hard. Nung grade school, I seldom get a failing grade on quizzes and test. But now, ok lang sa akin kahit mababa yung mga scores ko.... Ang ipinagtataka ko lang. Why on earth that when I studied at Masci.... I have seem to take advantage on all things....I have taken for granted all the things. Nawala na sa isip ko yung UP. Maybe there are those temptations that surrounds me.... malls, peer pressure. Ang bigat bigat pa rin ng loob ko ngayon. I still want to cry. Pero may magagawa pa ba ako? Meron....gagawa ako ng TIME MACHINE para pabalikin ang oras. But I can't do that. That's stupid. I am none-sense. Feeling ko ngayon ay isa akong walang kwentang tao.

I am STILL waiting... that someday.... I will be happy once and for all... but this big blow that happened to me.... I think I will REGRET this FOREVER.