Idealist/Perfectionist

I have discovered just recently how idealistic I am. I want everything to be in order, in pure perfection. As much as possible, everything that I do must be in a state of absoluteness which ends up getting me a little bit frustrated about everything, actually.

Its a sickness, I think which develops from too much critical-thinking and overanalysis about everything that goes around me that leaves me speculating and forming theories that discloses me to be idealist and perfectionist. There are some pros but adversely there's mostly the cons. Usually, I end up disappointed and sorry for myself because it's either I don't have the guts or the universe just don't go along with it.

So when did this started? Just recently actually, occurs everywhere in particular and the variables in my so-called experiment are the humans of different species. I think it has been my hobby ever since to observe people and some seats from La salle offers a good view! But, I know that I cannot pursue this idealistic and perfectionist approach of mine because I, myself, is pouring with flaws and imperfections and mind you I am too far from being perfect.

That's why I felt sometimes different. Like, there's this invisible wall that separates me from the real world to the "other different world of mine". I like living in my world, but sometimes there are things that drove you to the real world and suddenly realize that "your world" is a mere illusion, an ESCAPE from the reality that you tried to run-off ever since. Reality hurts, sometimes. Its the most thing that you want to avoid. It's the one thing that you don't want to face. Maybe I'm just afraid. Scared that I might get hurt again in the end, frightened that I might hurt other people, again. I am just afraid...

Actually, I'm a coward. I'm just in an armor suite of a great, courageous soldier trying to put down everything that gets into his way. But inside, that soldier is a coward, fragile, feeble and irresolute.

But I will still be an idealist/perfectionist. :D