These past few days, all i can feel are insecurities and jealousy...to whom? I don't know, maybe people around me you are far better and way more resourceful than me. Vain. Selfish. Conceited. That's what I hate sometimes about myself, but I'm trying not to. Why is it that everytime I want to show and reveal my inner feelings, people just don't tend to know it? And I hate it! I want them to know what my real feelings are for them, but they are so unfair! Actually, it's not only me whose being selfish and conceited, people around do that thing to. I just don't understand life at this moment, so I stay at my room and sleep alot!
It seems that everything I've done means nothing to them. I know I am not great! I don't have the capabilities to be the greatest person or excel in everything I do, but I know that I am working hard to earn what I have possessed.
I know that you are all mixed up now, confused and thinking what I want to say directly? Again, I don't want to say it publicly, I want to keep it to myself, I'm still not saying it to my family nor to my friends because I think they will not be able to understand the complexity that has in my mind right now. It seems that my mind is running and thinking endlessly that I just want to take a rest.
I can change....well maybe I "can't". At my new year's resolution a few weeks ago, I stated that I will be more mature and stop acting so childish and seems to be out of control but it seems that I cannot comprehend in that requirement.
One thing I hate more is that my uselessness, I asked my self sometimes what's my purpose of being in this world? To sleep? to eat? to commute from Cavite to Manila? To taste life's bitterness and cruelty? to study everyday? TO BE HURT?!!! I am not angry, I am just letting go of my feelings that I have kept for a long time. Truly no ones life is perfect!
I will change...as long as people can change, the world can change too!
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