Depressed....

These past few days I don't know what's happening to the world, I really do feel that the whole world hate me you know that? and I hate that awful feeling, first of all we lost a friend, I really don't know why on earth does she has to do that. It's just a simple matter because my one friend was jealous because Karren is not anymore joining us instead the others. I really do not know who is right and who is wrong, I really hate my Friday, I wish I could smile and laugh just my usual day would be, but I can't Mary Joy says that there is something different on me that day, she ask me why am I lonely and not giggling that time. I don't know everytime we were together I just stared at one spot and not knowing that I am thinking on deeper thoughts.
I really hate going to school when education friendship and everything was mixed up. You know, when you didn't have the guts to do what the right thing to do. I already talked to Karren and Aimee and ask them what was going on? It's just that they are so hard to be get along with anymore. Then Mrs. Jarabese found out what was happening to our group, we are really lucky to have an adviser like that. She is so good in giving advices to us. I really wish that everything will be alright. I really feel that we are going an friendship crisis. It is really hard to let go of someone, but I learned that if you really love that someone you will be happy on whatever things she's up to.
One thing more, I really wish that Ka helen will not be anymore angry with us. Because I still felt that she is still angry with us.
I really don't know, now, I heard many persons who are undergoing trials,I don't if that trials was the cause of our sins or just another test that God has put onto us. But I believe that God will not have trials to us if we will not be able to carry it. Sometimes I want to lose hope, that this life is so hopeless, I can't have the guts to be like Joan of arcadia, because I know that I don't have the knowledge and the guts to be like her. But hello? Does everybody required to be like her? I really dont' know if my personality is so unique that I am always making things worse. Thinking of the worse things that I am not be able to enjoy or doing the worse things so I can get into more trouble, I really hate that state of mind. I want to achieve more in this world and they say that you must study hard and strive really hard to earn money and live a life in this world. But a question popped out into my mind... What is the use of those things that made your face sweat when you won't be able to bring does things on HEAVEN or HELL *if ever* right? I really don't know what is the purpose of all these things. That's why I tend not to study hard because everytime that I am trying to do my best on one thing and I won't be able to get a high remarks with it, I really tend to lose hope about everything, and I tend to get irrritated, That's what I hate about myself.
I want to be a good person, so I can go to heaven.... but it is really hard......