The Himig Kasiglahan and Reunitin with some old friends

Last Sunday,I arrived home at past 12 midnight from "Himig Kasiglahan" in Trece Martires, although it was a bit tiring, watching the contestants from different locale of the district of Cavite singing praises, they have such a good voice and each of everyone of them deserve to win, but in all battle, there is only once Champion and congratulations to : Locale of New Era, dasmariñas Cavite for being the ultimate champion. They have the best voice. I wasn't able to post the videos that i have shoot. Sorry.

Last monday, Diana, my old classmate from CRMI texted me if I will be available on Saturday I said no, so she reschedule our meeting on Wednesday which was yesterday. I have the chance to see them again and I will say Diana is so fat! haha.. Hindi ko aakalain na tataba si diana ng ganon. wahaa. Then Darryl came, with the same height, pero sabi niya tumangkad naman daw siya. They both said that Ara will come, I didn't know that she was already home from Singapore. Well, we've waited so long before she came to SM, like a thousand light years..hehe. But I'm glad that I was still able to see her. I was shocked when she cried when she sees me. She said that she doesn't have friends in Singapore and it is so lonely there. So she cried. And I was touched. We went to take a picture, which I didn't get because I go home earlier than they are, then we eat at Kenny Rogers then we watch Pirates of the Carribean 3!
Reuniting with old friends was a good experience for me especially here comes classes again, I get to think of the happy days that we still have during our elementary days, I never thought that I will still be attached to them, even though I am already studying in Manila and Ara is now in Singapore. It's such a good thing.

In the meantime, I will be an organist at the children's choir. I am so grateful, I know that it is a must-to-do responsibility, but i want it. So i will try everything to fulfill my responsibility.

Ara, Me and Daphnie

Ang arte ni Diana, ayaw pakita fats niya.

Dapat kasama ko si Ara, pero ako lang pinicturan ni Diana, wala lang pang-inis kay ara. hehe

Organizing things and Looking Forward this Opening of Classes

Currently Listening:To Love Somebody- Jordin Sparks
I want to congratulate Jordin Sparks for being the Season 6's American Idol. Although honestly, I like Melinda Dolittle among the three, I think Jordin deserves to spark. I didn't get the chance to regularly watch American Idol, but I think those trios: Jordin, Blake and Melinda were quite good, especially Blake's beat box style. So cute and charming.

Lyka and I went on Indang yesterday for the sportsfest of the District of Cavite held at Cavite State University, although we went there via bus, it's quite a good journey, but 2 hrs of travelling is so exhausting and the bus fare is quite expensive, 50 pesos per head so if you plan to go to somewhere beyond Cavite, be sure to bring lots of food, water and money. Cavsu is quite large especially it's field, they have track field, auditorium, volleyball court, lawn tennis court, a grandstand and a basketball court, so walking is quite an exercise for us. We get to meet Joselle there and we like we've never met for almost a year! We talked about so many things. The rain ruined the sportsfest but I think I'm quite happy because I get to meet lots of people.

Later on, me and some of my co-choir members will attend the "Himig Kasiglahan" in Trece Martires, it's a choir competition,which unfortunately, we have been eliminated. Out of 39, I think who joined, 12 got in and guess at what rank are we? 13! haha. It's quite close for us to join the finals. Just a litte more practice and we will be able to join the "Himig for Kasiglahan". But that's ok, it's also our brethren who will sing so what's the point on being jealous.

Last night, I have made a 'Keepsake Notebook' to help me remember things that I organize literally. I write in that notebook my favorite quotes, What makes a healthy day (which includes the things that I should not forget), budgeting money and things that will help me organize myself this opening of classes. I think I should be grade concern, gc, health conscious, social consious, mentally conscious and most of all spiritually conscious. I will try to obey all my writings in that notebook...hopefully.

I am thinking, what will might happen this school year? Oh! wait do I have to think? I think I already found the answer, at least, expect the "WORST" to happen, so I will not be shocked. Maybe I will always hate my day, maybe i will not enough sleep again, will not have good manners again, will be again stacked by tons of assignments, having sleepless nights on rushed portfolio, rushed projects, rushed reports, rushed assignments, rushed written report, all RUSHED! I maybe also get headaches on those mind wracking subjects: Finite Math, Calculus, Analytical Geometry, Advance Chemistry, the never-dying, blood boiling Physics! Nightmare? ha... My 3 years life in Masci has always been nightmare. A 10-month long nightmare. Good thing, I am already a senior, so konting tiis na lang.

Basta, I will obey all the things that I have written in my "keepsake notebook". Occasionally na lang siguro ako makakapag-update ng blog due to hectic schedule and heavy traffic of course.

By the way I just finished 3 books: Pride and Prejudice, The Alchemist and Tuesday's with Morrie. Again Don't tell mom!

Kim is Finally Back!

Well after the long days of making myself the most pathetic person ever lived in this world, after the 6 long, hell days of my life, thank God! my prayers are answered, even though we were still not talking and explaining things to each other, at least I've realized that my life still has to go on, after what that person did. Yes, I know that I have mistakes too, but after what that person did I think, it's better off this way. What I hate when people get angry is that they were taken by their emotions, doing things unconsiderably without thinking what might urge other people to think to them like that. I tell that person that I never made "plastic" to that person, I treat that person as a friend and it seems that this used to be small fight turned into a huge fight that I can't tell if I can recover to it. But even though, we will fixed this thing, I think I will not be anymore the same person that that person knows.
I think this is for the best, changing everything and fixing everything. I must get serious by now, no more malls during fridays and go straight home! Finale! This is the period where will I build and design my future and I'm getting it no matter what.

After prayers and cryings, I think I regain my strength and although i may be weak at times, I know that I became much much stronger because I know that when I am weak that's when I am strong. Yes, I do remember the days that we shared but I think that those days will be just beautiful memories.


*Sighs*. Whata life! Good thing I watched Shrek 3 this afternoon with my brother, we have some kind of bondings. After our simulation test in at our review classes, I headed home and went to SM to watch Shrek. And I laugh and laugh. I like Shrek's babies, they are cute but at the same time scary! haha. Next, I want to watch Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End. I love films like that.

So goodbye for now.

Feared

Currently Listening: The Water is Wide- Charlotte Church
I'm still feeling bad today and I break down last night again, I just don't know what happened to me, maybe it's natural from every teens since we are in the stage of maturity. My feelings were quite weird, weird enough to be expressed on my words. I know no one can understand what I'm going through, because I also can't understand myself. It's so complicated. I try to organize my thoughts but it's still cumbersome and everytime I think of the bright side I'm ending up looking stupid and feeling stupid about myself. Why do I feel fear? I'm feeling afraid of making mistakes again because I don't want to hurt myself and most especially somebody else. Is it natural to be on this critical and crucial stage in life. My feelings are just too heavy, somethings bothering me and the only thing I turned to is God. I prayed to Him to give extra strength and faith, I really feel terrible.
I know now that you can't control people's minds, they have the freedom to think whatever they want to think, that you can never please anyone, that you can't expect that they will give the same amount of love you offered to them and that can only be found in God. Lately I've been so sentimental, whenever I'm alone I tend to drown myself with thoughts that even I could not completely comprehend. I am not happy for now. I know that fact, I feel really terrible. It's like I've killed a dozen people to feel terrible like this. But despite of all, I am trying to be happy and to laugh because I know that this feeling will pass away, soon. I'm praying and I have faith in my prayers.
*Sighs!* i cannot find words to describe enough my feeling. I feel sorry for myself because, even though I tried to be strong, I still ended up being the weakest person. No matter how I tried not to cry, tears still flow through my face and I can't control that. I am afraid that things around might change someday and I won't be able to fit in anymore, I'm afraid that I will loss my family, my true friends, my religion and everything that I cherish the most. I am afraid to sail alone in this world and mostly I am afraid to change what I am. I still want to be vibrant, free-spirited and always laughing, I don't want to people to know that I am emotional, sentimental, sensitive, hot-tempered, perfectionist and selfish.
I didn't know what will happen next, what I learned is that you can't predict what might tomorrow and you can't change the past, even if you still regretted it.
I know I have to focus now, seriously in my studies, but why on earth that this feelings whatsoever, is currently happening to me? How could I study? Hate it!
But I have faith and I hope I will triumphantly pass this stage.

"Strength lies in differences, not in similarities."-Stephen Covey

...

Yesterday was a bad day for me. No, a dreadful day for me. I didn't expect that something will happen like that. I didn't want to narrate it publicly and I want to say that i am not perfect, every people makes mistakes that they didn't intend to do due to many factors and we can't control that factor. Damn! I hate this life. Many people expect me to be the kindest person around, but God! It's hard to be that kind of person. Even way back elementary, some of my classmates thinks that I am "uto-uto". Well, that's my mistake, I didn't know how to be strong. Well I will proudly say that

I AM BAD!!!

. Hello? I made mistakes too, im a weak person. The thing that I don't understand is that when I make mistakes, ang balik ng karma sa akin ay sobrang bigat, that it seems that I've killed a dozen persons. Damn! Am I the only person in the world who made mistakes? I am not perfect, and "being" perfect is too far from my personality. I get angry, irritated, jealous and envy too, because I am not the most beautiful, the smartest the liveliest the most joyful, the most articulate, the cutest and all the most in this world, I think I am the dumbest and most stupid person in this world because of my mind's complexity and no matter how hard I try to explain myself to the person I didn't intentionally want to hurt, they just didn't understand it, because I am nothing. Yes, I get angry and irritated, jealous and envy about other people, but I didn't let that feelings ruin my day or other people's day.

I cried last night, I really wanted to cry because being perfect is the last thing that I will do. I made mistakes, I care for that person, I want that person to have a good life and it hurts me when that person will says that I am "plastic" just because that person have read which was misinterpreted. Other people may judge other people by what they see but I don't judge that person for being like that. And I am sorry if that person misinterpreted everything. I am just trying to help even though that person didn't know, and if that person tends to reads this post. I just want to say sorry, we've been friends, but if you don't want to understand me then that's your choice, all I want is for your own good. But I think, I am already hurt, I know that we are both hurt, I know that I hurt you "unintentionally", believe me it's not what I meant, but knowing that just because of that incident someone will get angry and waste away the friendship, man that is for me the hardest and I am really hurt.

This incident made me feel I am the wasted, the meanest and the most uncaring friend in the world. God! And I can still feel it now, I think everything in me changes, and I am afraid that people will also change. Sorry, I am so sorry. For the friends I've hurt and will be hurt, but I wish that they will understand me, but it seems that they didn't because i didn't know....
Maybe the saying is true: "We cannot have the same amout of love we give because a "perfectly mutual and reciprocal love" can only be found in God". You may give your love for the people you cared for but don't expect that they will give the same amount of love that you want for you to have.